Blood Bowl: Humans vs High Elves

 

“Welcome back, sports fans, to another glorious day of bloodshed, broken bones, and deeply questionable athletic ability!” – Jim Johnson

“Hah! And if we’re lucky, Jim, we might even see somebody remember the rules this time!” –  Bob Bifford

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Match Report between Amazing Averland Adventurers and Evershale Eagles

The humans’ second match (here's the first) and the absolute first match for The Eagles. The Averland Adventurers are fresh out of a game against a newly formed chaos team. Nobody got hurt, the match ended 0-0. Terrible ball handling, angry spectators.

That makes it all the more surprising that no fewer than 60,000 fans showed up for the match against the Evershale Eagles – a fresh, young team of high elves.

“High Elves, Bob. Graceful, elegant, masters of the passing game.” – Jim

“Yeah, and expensive enough to cry every time one gets punched in the face!” – Bob

The match begins with the humans on the offensive. And despite their boring performance in the first game, their dedicated fans storm the pitch, leaving no fewer than three high elves lying half unconscious on the grass. As a result, the humans quickly fight their way down one side of the field.

The elves block and hit back hard, and the whole thing mostly resembles classic cage play. The elves’ athletic abilities allow them to dodge and block the humans. The human team captain makes excellent use of his Pro skill during several blitzes, while the ogre’s strength proves decisive. But it takes almost the entire first half to reach the end zone. And not before plenty of punches have been thrown – the elves are unusually violent.

“That ogre’s hitting everything on the pitch, Jim!” – Bob

“Including, at one point, his own blitzer.” – Jim

“Collateral damage!” – Bob

Both humans and elves are sent into the dugout with KOs, and the human thrower is tackled so hard that he suffers an injury – undoubtedly a niggling injury. It is late in the first half, and honestly, how often do you see an elf cause that kind of damage?

The newly hired apothecary is asked to tend to the thrower – but his license appears to have come out of a vending machine – and it quickly becomes obvious that his help will only lead to a faster and more painful death.

“Ah yes, the famous Averland School of Medicine.” – Jim

“Step one: hit the patient harder!” – Bob

The thrower will miss the next game with a niggling injury.

Unlike the humans’ first match, they finally manage to play some actual Blood Bowl, and with little time left in the first half they score. 1-0 to the Amazing Averland Adventurers.

The rest of the half is spent preventing a quick score from the high elves. They are down on re-rolls, and every human player is thrown into the defence. The elf team fails to reach the end zone.

“The humans are defending like their lives depend on it!” – Jim

“In fairness, Jim, they probably do.” – Bob

Second half. The ball is kicked to the elves, a fortunate kick placing it all the way up near the line of scrimmage. At the same time, the humans have clearly stepped up their game and launch a quick defence. The entire team goes all in on hunting down the ball immediately.

It completely kills the momentum of the elves’ game. Halfway through the second half, the ball is still only around the line of scrimmage. A pure game of cat and mouse, where a couple of elves dodge free, only to constantly end up surrounded by tackle zones. The ball changes hands several times.

“This isn’t elegant elven strategy anymore, Bob.” – Jim

“Nope. This is panic with pointy ears!” – Bob

Towards the end of the half, the elves come close to scoring and finally manage to show off some real elven play. But once again a blitzing ogre and the humans’ Pro-skilled captain come to the rescue. And with two turns remaining, the humans pull off a gigantic counterplay involving a pass, hand-off, dodge, going for it, and a match that ends 2-0!

“UNBELIEVABLE! The humans actually pulled it off!” – Jim

“I’m shocked, Jim! Mostly because none of them dropped dead halfway through!” – Bob

The elves from Evershale Eagles will have to go home and practice their elven play – and start saving up for a thrower. They need to pass the ball more and add some speed to their game. Their dragon princes also need to tone down the violence and ego.

The humans from the Amazing Averland Adventurers now face a match without a thrower and with only 11 men on the roster – no reserves. It will be a hard match. But their fantastic team captain has become MVP two games in a row and has now gained Strip Ball. A fantastic skill when combined with Block and Pro, allowing him to reliably rip the ball out of the hands of faster elven players.

“Two games, two MVP awards. That captain’s becoming a real star, Bob.” – Jim

“Stars die young in Blood Bowl, Jim.” – Bob

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